When I looked up to meet her gaze, I winced; she looked like she’d just watched a car wreck.
“Okay, let me make sure I’ve got this straight.”
I nodded waiting for her to continue.
“You’re sleeping with your boss.”
I cringed slightly. “Well, technically not—”
She threw her hand up to stop me from finis.h.i.+ng. “Yeah, yeah. I got that. And this is the same boss you oh-so-lovingly refer to as ‘Beautiful b.a.s.t.a.r.d’?”
I sighed heavily and nodded again.
“But you hate him.”
“Correct,” I mumbled, my eyes s.h.i.+fting away from her. “Hate. Very big hate.”
“You don’t want to be with him, but you can’t stay away.”
“G.o.d, it sounds even worse to hear someone else say it,” I groaned as I buried my face in my hands. “I sound ridiculous.”
“But the s.e.xytimes? Are good,” she said with a touch of humor in her voice.
“Good doesn’t even come close to describing it, Julia. Phenomenal, intense, mind-blowing, multiple-o.r.g.a.s.mingly amazing doesn’t come close to describing it.”
“Is ‘o.r.g.a.s.mingly’ even a word?”
I rubbed my face with my hands and sighed again. “Shut up.”
“Well,” she replied thoughtfully, clearing her throat. “I guess a small p.e.n.i.s isn’t his problem, after all . . .”
I let my head fall to my arms on the table. “No. No, it most definitely isn’t.” I looked up slightly at the sound of her m.u.f.fled laughter. “Julia! This is not funny!”
“I beg to differ. Even you have to see how insane this is. I mean, of all the people I’ve ever known, you’re the last person I would have ever imagined ending up in this situation. You’ve always been so serious, with each and every step of your life so planned out. Come on, you’ve only had a few real boyfriends, all of whom you’d been with for what everyone considered a really silly amount of time before you slept with them. This man must be something else.”
“I know there’s nothing wrong with having a purely s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p with someone—I can handle that. And I know that I can at times be overly controlled, but it’s the fact that I feel I have no control over myself when I’m with him. I mean, I don’t even like him, and yet . . . I keep going back.”
Julia took a sip of her mimosa, and I could practically see the wheels turning as she considered everything I’d told her. “What matters to you?”
I looked up to her, understanding. “My job. My life after this. My sense of value as an employee. Knowing my contribution matters.”
“Can you feel good about those things and still f**k him?”
I shrugged, unable to actually untangle my thoughts on the matter. “I don’t know. If I felt like everything was separate, maybe. But our only interactions are at work. There isn’t any instance where it isn’t about both work and s.e.x.”
“Then you have to find a way to stop doing this. You need to keep your distance.”
“It’s not that simple,” I retorted, shaking my head and beginning to ramble. “I work for him. It’s not as if all instances of being alone with him are easily avoidable. The number of times I’ve sworn off s.e.x with him and then had s.e.x with him hours later is ridiculous. And on top of that, we have a conference to attend in two weeks. Same hotel, same general vicinity at all times. Beds!”
“Chloe, what has gotten into you?” Julia asked in an astonished tone “Do you want this to continue?”
“No! Of course not!”
She eyed me skeptically.
“I mean . . . it’s just that I’m different with him. Like, I want things I’ve never wanted before, and maybe I should let myself want those things. I just wish it was someone else making me want them, someone nice, like Joel for instance. The boss is not very nice.”
“Boss man makes you want what? Like spankings and stuff?” Julia responded with a chuckle, but when I looked away I heard her gasp. “Oh my G.o.d, he’s spanked you?”
My wide eyes shot back to her. “A little louder, Julia. I don’t think the guy in the back heard you.” As soon as I was sure no one was looking, I smoothed loose tendrils of hair back from my forehead. “Look, I know I need to stop this but I—”
I paused as I felt goose b.u.mps rise along my skin. My breath caught in my throat and I turned slowly to look at the door. It was him, scruffy and dressed down in a black T-s.h.i.+rt and jeans, sneakers and hair in even s.e.xier disarray than usual. I turned back around to face Julia, feeling all the blood drain from my face.
“Chloe, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Julia said, reaching across the table to touch my arm.
I swallowed hard in an attempt to find my voice, then looked at her. “Do you see that man next to the door? The tall, good-looking one?” She raised her head slightly to look and I kicked her under the table. “Don’t make yourself obvious! That is my boss.”
Julia’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Holy s.h.i.+t,” she gasped, and shook her head as she looked him up and down. “You weren’t kidding, Chloe. That is one beautiful b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed. Or car. Or dressing room. Or elevator, or—”
“Julia! You’re really not being helpful here!”
“Who’s the blonde?” she asked, motioning toward them. I turned back to see Mr. Ryan being led to a table with a tall, leggy blonde, his hand on the small of her back. A sharp stab of jealousy pressed into my chest.
