No Ifs
You’re really stupid, always causing me trouble.

Pang Qian sat at her desk, chin in her hands, in a daze. She thought about what Gu Mingxi said on their way to school. He said that his father felt ashamed of him.

That sentence was like a needle pushed into my heart. After all these years, I’d already gotten used to the way Gu Mingxi was, to his particular way of doing things. But you can’t deny that once we leave the familiar surroundings of school and the Golden Compound, Gu Mingxi would inevitably become the focus of much attention.

Was it because of this reason that Uncle Gu never took Gu Mingxi out to play?

Gu Mingxi wasn’t afraid to go outside.

When the school had spring and autumn outings, sports events, movie activities, etc., he would attend them all. In his free time, he would also take the bus with Pang Qian to go to the Children’s Palace, the amus.e.m.e.nt park, or the library. It was only that there would be strangers who, either out of curiosity or sympathy, would ask Gu Mingxi what happened to his arms.

Pang Qian thought that this was very annoying. They didn’t know those people after all. There would be some older aunties who even reached out to touch Gu Mingxi’s disabled shoulders. And when he tried to move away, they would sigh that he was really very pitiful.

The thing she couldn’t stand the most was that Gu Mingxi never put on a long face to those people. He wouldn’t explain in great detail about how he lost his arms, but would simply say, “When I was younger, I got electrocuted by high voltage.”

Some people would persist, “How old were you?”

Gu Mingxi answered, “6 years old.”

Every time she heard his response, Pang Qian would get into a very bad mood. She would walk over to Gu Mingxi and nudge at his back or pull at his empty sleeves to take him away, angrily shouting, “Let’s go, we’re going to be late!”

At the time, Pang Qian didn’t know how much anxiety she would have for this situation. Actually, it was because every time those people asked, it would bring back her memories of that summer day. That hot, stuffy afternoon. And what happened to Gu Mingxi’s body was a memory she never wanted to return to in her life.

Inside of everyone’s heart, there is an unopened bottle of regrets.

When people meet some kind of unfortunate situation, they’ll think, if I hadn’t done that back then, things wouldn’t have turned out like this.

Though Pang Qian was only a 10 year old child, she would sometimes foolishly think, if she hadn’t tossed that frisbee up on that high shelf that year, Gu Mingxi would probably be like her right now. He would be a normal student. Or he would be even more outstanding, and Uncle Gu would be proud of his son, the most amazing kid in the Golden Compound.

Even without arms, he won an award at the Hua Luogeng (famous mathematician) compet.i.tion. The drawings he made with his feet were 100 times better than the ones that Pang Qian made with her hands. His literary composition was entered in a provincial compet.i.tion, and it even won an Excellence Award. It was printed as part of an anthology of excellent children’s essays, and was even sold in bookstores.

If that year, Gu Mingxi hadn’t climbed up that shelf, what would the outcome have been?

It was the summer of 1990. Gu Mingxi had already graduated from kindergarten, and he was happily enjoying his last summer break without homework. Li Han had already bought him a new backpack and notebooks. When school started in September, he would become an elementary school student.

And Pang Qian, a fat little girl, was waiting to start kindergarten.

At the time, Gu Guoxiang had already been promoted from technician to a.s.sistant engineer. He even received the opportunity to study abroad for two years. After the lunar new year activities that year, he boarded a flight to France, along with three other engineers.

After Gu Guoxiang left, Li Han had to work as well as take care of household duties, so her life had become much more difficult. So that summer, Gu Mingxi would be left at Pang Qian’s house during the day, to be taken care of by Grandpa and Grandma Pang.

Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi had already become much closer by then. After the “braised egg crisis,” Gu Mingxi didn’t dare to leave Pang Qian on the side anymore. No matter what he was playing with the other kids, he would always bring Pang Qian along.

Pang Qian was fat, and she was short-tempered. She would always lose in games and then throw a tantrum. The kids in the same team as her would complain. Only Gu Mingxi didn’t mind.

At that time, people’s homes didn’t have air conditioning. The air would always be hot and stuffy.

Pang Qian remembered that day. It was a mig-August afternoon. The cicadas outside the window were calling nonstop. She and Gu Mingxi were napping under the ceiling fan. When they woke up, one of them ate another two slices of watermelon. Gu Mingxi couldn’t stand it anymore, so he shouted up and down, inviting some kids out to play. This was a necessary activity each day. Grandpa and Grandma Pang never opposed to it, only telling Gu Mingxi to take care of Pang Qian.

This was all there was to the Golden Compound. Four 6-story buildings, a garden, a camphor tree, a bicycle shed, and Old Zeng, who always sat at the gate listening to the radio.

The children only played for a short while, before things became a battlefield. Following Gu Mingxi’s orders, six kids went up against the wall separating the metals company’s factory.

They were all factory workers’ children, every day, playing at the factory. The guards always turned a blind eye. After so many years, there had never been an accident in the factory.

The factory was very big. There were piles of steel, and 7 or 8 big machines (cars?).

The kids played hide and seek for a bit. After running around for awhile, they were tired, so someone suggested playing frisbee.

Zhu Huiqiang brought the frisbee. They quickly came up with the rules. They split up into teams of two. Each team would put out someone to throw the frisbee, and they would see who threw it the furthest. Best two games out of three.

It was a very simple game with very simple rules. They all played happily. The first two times, Pang Qian didn’t toss the disk very well. Her first two throws, the disk only went 3 or 4 meters. The other kids had a big laugh. Gu Mingxi patiently guided her though, and she used her strength in the third throw. That shallow blue disk actually flew very high, up onto a light gray shelf.

The shelf was very high up., with electrical poles on either side of it. On top of the shelf, there was a box with many strange lines on it. There was also an image of a yellow lightening bolt.

But these 5 and 6 year olds didn’t know what those things meant.

Zhu Huiqiang looked up to see his beloved frisbee, resting against the large box. To Pang Qian, he said, “Fattie, you threw it up there! You’d better get it back!”

How was Pang Qian to climb up there? She pouted, and looked pleadingly to Gu Mingxi, even pulling at his hand.

Gu Mingxi withdrew his hand, looked up at the gray shelf, and said, “I’ll help Fattie get it. Help push me up.”

A few boys listened to him, surrounding him to create a human cus.h.i.+on. Gu Mingxi rubbed his hands together. Before climbing up the pole, he said to Pang Qian, “You’re really stupid, always causing me trouble.”

Pang Qian stared at him. A little boy who had just turned 6. He had short hair. He wore a light blue t-s.h.i.+rt with a cartoon character on his chest. His forehead and nose glistened with sweat. The air whistled as he spoke, his two front teeth still missing.

Pang Qian kept looking up, watching Gu Mingxi’s actions. He was taller than other kids his age, though he was thin. With all four limbs, he climbed onto Zhu Huiqiang’s shoulders and climbed up the electrical pole. His posture was very good, and after just a few motions, his hand already reached the shelf.

Only, the memories of what happened after that were rather fragmented.

Pang Qian vaguely remembered a loud, booming sound. And there were bright sparks. There were children all around crying out in panic. Bursts of white smoke were surrounding them, as a very unpleasant smell traveled through the air.

This smell– It was just like when Grandpa forgot to tend to the stove. It was like the smell of the pork after it had been burnt. It was a horrible smell. Even Pang Qian, who loved to eat meat, felt nauseous after smelling it.

Pang Qian also remembered that she had cried along with the other children, their heartbreaking cries. A lot of adults ran over. There were also the shrill, piercing sound of the ambulance and police cars rus.h.i.+ng over. Someone picked up the crying Pang Qian and moved her to the side. She cried and buried herself into that person’s arms. Lifting her head to look, she saw a few white-clothed people carrying some kind of darkened thing into the ambulance.

“Pang Pang.”

“…”

“Pang Pang.”

“…”

“Hey, Pang Qian.”

She felt something on her leg, and Pang Qian was brought back to the present. She turned to her right. Gu Mingxi’s right foot was extended, holding a pen, poking at her leg.

“What are you doing?” Pang Qian said with a diffident tone, rubbing her leg.

Gu Mingxi gave her a strange look, “You should go get lunch.”

Pang Qian looked up, and all the students in the cla.s.s were already lined up at the front. The students on duty carried in two large foam boxes. Inside, there were neatly piled aluminum boxes with the student’s lunches.

“All you know is how to eat!” Pang Qian said and then went to line up, leaving behind an angry Gu Mingxi.

She lined up and got two meal boxes, then put one on Gu Mingxi’s desk. She even helped him take off the lid. With a hot meal in front of them, Pang Qian couldn’t stop from swallowing. “Wow, today’s braised pork chops!”

Gu Mingxi had already grabbed a spoon out of his desk with his foot. Pang Qian opened her own meal lid. She saw her pork chop was thin. Then she looked back over to Gu Mingxi’s piece that was thick…

The boy had just bent over, spoon in foot, about to start eating, when Pang Qian grabbed away his meal box.

“I’d rather eat the large piece that you have,” she said.

Gu Mingxi straightened his body. Pang Qian had already moved her meal box in front of him, “Let’s switch.”

Gu Mingxi lowered his head, looking at the meal box. He suddenly said, “If you can eat it, I’ll give you this pork chop too.”

Pang Qian, “…”

Gu Mingxi laughed to her, “Do you want it or not? I don’t really like pork, you know.”

That’s true. Pang Qian blinked at him, “You’re really not going to eat it?”

“Mm, not going to eat it,” Gu Mingxi shook his head. He nudged at the pork chop with the spoon in his foot, “I haven’t eaten any of it yet. Hurry and take it.”

“Aiya, you’re such a picky eater!” Pang Qian complained with a frown. Then a moment later, she grinned. “Alright, I’ll help you eat it then! It would be bad to let it go to waste!”

Gu Mingxi also laughed secretly. He thought to himself that in the afternoon, he would have to ask Pang Qian to buy him some noodles from the canteen.