48 | Rebellious Heart
Gu Mingxi! What are you doing?!

Gu Mingxi sat at the side of the schoolyard looking down the stands. The rest of his cla.s.s was in gym cla.s.s. The girls were practicing sit-ups under the teacher’s supervision, and the boys were playing basketball on the court.

Pang Qian grimaced as one minute pa.s.sed, and she heard Li Xiaoyan report, “41.”

She got up from the mat and switched spots with Li Xiaoyan. Pang Qian sat down onto her feet and held onto her knees.

From where she sat, she could very clearly see Gu Mingxi sitting in the stands. And so, she didn’t pay much attention to keeping count for poor Li Xiaoyan.

Her head was full of thoughts about Gu Mingxi. What exactly was wrong with Gu Mingxi? Did his parents quarrel again? Or did the girl he liked reject him? Or did someone bully him? Was he unhappy? Or was Gu Mingxi still concerned about the TV program?

In any case, Gu Mingxi had never acted this strangely before. It was as if he’d gone crazy.

Of course, Gu Mingxi hadn’t gone crazy. He was just…

How do you say it. He just felt kind of tired.

That nerve in his mind has been stretched for many years now, day and night, in every moment. A small idea and plan started to sprout inside his head. He got up everyday at 6 o’clock, took care of his daily needs, spent an hour to get to school, worked hard all day at school, and used his free cla.s.s to help tutor Pang Qian. When he got home, he didn’t watch TV, he didn’t read the newspaper. After he ate dinner, he returned to his room to do his homework. When he finished the a.s.signments from the teacher, he would self-study until 12 o’clock, and then he’d go to sleep.

He practiced using the computer every day for an house, but he never played games. Gu Guoxiang didn’t allow him to, so he just didn’t. At most, when he was itching to, he’d play a game of minesweeper.

When the weekend came, he went to his drawing cla.s.s. When he got home, he’d practice drawing some more. He worked on practice problems and memorized English. In the past, Zhou Nanzhong and w.a.n.g Song would call him and invite him out to play soccer/football. Gu Mingxi really wanted to go, but his parents didn’t let him go. It was too far away, a waste of time, and playing ball wasn’t safe. After a few more times, they stopped inviting Gu Mingxi.

Gu Mingxi missed living at the Golden Compound. Pang Qian lived next door, so when he was bored on the weekends, they would go out together. Even if they didn’t go outside, they could play at each others’ houses, chat about, read comics, eat ice cream together.

When Jian Zhe and Liu Hanlin invited Gu Mingxi to play, he would call Pang Qian along. Pang Qian would complain about it being a bother, but she never refused.

Her job was to help Gu Mingxi put on his sports shoes, feed him water, help him wipe away his sweat. And when they went home, Gu Mingxi would reward her with a small snack or meal.

But now, they lived at opposite ends of the city. Gu Mingxi felt much lonelier.

In the past, Gu Mingxi would always be mindful of his parents’ demands of him. Gu Guoxiang wanted wanted him to get into a 211 or 985 university (top schools), and he wanted him to keep his position in the top 3 of his year. Now, Gu Mingxi suddenly felt that there was no point to all the efforts that he put in.

He did his best to keep his spot in the top 3, but so what? Even if he could score well enough to get into a 985 school later on, so what? He didn’t have arms, so getting into the school itself was uncertain. If he got into the school, he also didn’t know how things would work when he had to take care of himself on his own. Look, he couldn’t even get his lunch on his own in the cafeteria. Gu Mingxi felt that to some extent, he relied too heavily on Pang Qian.

That’s when he met Shark, Clam, and Oyster. They let him enter an entirely different world.

That evening, at Shark’s barbecue shop, Oyster’s girlfriend came over, looking for him to play. That girl was only 17 years old, just older than Gu Mingxi by two months, but she was working at a nearby shoe factory. She and Oyster were often stuck together, kissing, wrapped around each other’s waists, and showing other lovey dovey signs of affection. Gu Mingxi had even seen Oyster grab at the girl’s chest, and his face turned bright red. When he looked around at the others, he saw that they’d already grown accustomed to it.

Clam and Oyster weren’t much older than Gu Mingxi. Clam studied up until the second year of high school. His family ran out of money, so he dropped out and started working. Oyster graduated from a technical high school and had been working for two years already.

They didn’t have much educational background, but they were living well and happily.

Then Gu Mingxi thought about Xie Yi. When they were in junior high, Xie Yi and his test scores were pretty matched, but now Xie Yi’s scores had dropped a lot. His rank would probably only be in the middle of the year. But anyone could see, Xie Yi was a happy guy.

For him, studying was an enjoyment, a pastime. It wasn’t something that chained him down or oppressed him. Just like when he played ping pong, when he played violin, when he partic.i.p.ated in the comic convention. Everything he did was by his own will. I like it, so I’ll do it. I don’t like it, so no one can force me to do it.

Gu Mingxi wondered why he couldn’t be like Xie Yi, so free and unaffected. Why was he so tied up on his scores and his ranking? In the last midterm exams, his score was only 2 points higher than the person in 4th place. He was really nervous about it, so he spent all night working on a pile of practice problems. When he thought about it now, it was really foolish.

Even if he got into the nation’s best university, so what? He still wouldn’t bring pride to his family. He would never be the outstanding child his parents could boast about.

Because he was crippled.

Even if he and a girl were together, no matter how well they got along, he still wouldn’t become the prince in her heart.

Because he was crippled.

He recalled his appearance on TV. His legs lifted up on the desk, his toes holding chopsticks to send into his mouth. He wasn’t pitiful, but it really was a bit laughable.

Gu Mingxi ah, he told himself. You’ve been tiring yourself out for all these years, why don’t you take a break.

When Youth Day came on May 4th, he really received the Excellence Award for his district. Teacher Dai went with him to receive the award. When they were giving out the award certificates, all the other students went to receive it on their own. Gu Mingxi was the only one who had someone accompany him to the stage.

Teacher Dai helped him hold the red certificate booklet, and she clutched his shoulder for a picture. Gu Mingxi looked expressionlessly into the camera, his eyes deep and dark.

It was May, and his grades were dropping.

His cold war with Pang Qian was over, and he spoke to her. But that feeling, and maybe Pang Qian was just reading into things wrongly, made Pang Qian think that Gu Mingxi had become a completely different person.

When he spoke, his tone had become a lot more detached. Even when Pang Qian asked him about a question in cla.s.s, his answer would be brief. If she didn’t understand after he explained once, he would said, “I’m not good at explaining. You should ask the teacher.”

Sometimes he wouldn’t even go to the self-study cla.s.ses. He carried his backpack and left the school campus, but he also didn’t head straight home. Every single time, he would drag out the time until it was 8 or 9 in the evening, before he arrived home. Then he would brush Li Han off with a lame excuse.

Li Han called Pang Shuisheng, and Pang Shuisheng went to ask Pang Qian. She was also confused about it. She didn’t know where Gu Mingxi went off to after school. She asked him, but he just impatiently told her that it was none of her business. She even tried to follow him, but was found out very quickly.

At the time, Gu Mingxi told Pang Qian coldly, “It’s very disorderly ahead. You should stop following.”

After he said that, he turned away and walked off. Pang Qian wouldn’t be scared off like that though, so she kept following. Gu Mingxi ignored her. He kept walking until the 263 bus stop, and then got on the bus to go home, leaving a stunned Pang Qian standing by herself.

Over the weekend, Gu Mingxi carried his sketchpad out of the house, but he didn’t head to his drawing teacher’s studio. Instead, he got onto the bus and headed to the machinery factory.

He familiarly walked into an internet cafe. The manager there saw him and said, “Xiao Gu’s here. Clam and Oyster are already waiting for you inside. Number 49.”

Gu Mingxi asked, “How much money is left on my card?”

The manager checked and said, “Oh, quite a bit. Don’t worry.”

Gu Mingxi nodded. He found machine 49. Clam and Oyster had on their headsets and were playing a game. A colorful battle was displayed on the screen.

Gu Mingxi wriggled his shoulders and put down his sketchpad. He sat down and lifted his foot to turn on the computer. He typed in his username and pa.s.sword, and started up the game skillfully. He grabbed the headset with his toes and put them on, then started playing the game with everyone else.

Clam lit a cigarette and handed one to Oyster. He turned around and asked Gu Mingxi, “Xiao Gu, want one?”

Gu Mingxi stared at the cigarette in his hand. He swallowed, then finally shook his head.

Oyster said, “Don’t give Xiao Gu a cigarette. Shark said not to let him smoke.”

Clam said, “Just don’t let Shark know then.”

Gu Mingxi was silent the whole time. His attention was entirely focused on the game world on his screen. His two feet were raised up on the desk. His right foot deftly pressed on the mouse, and would occasionally join his left foot to press the keyboard shortcuts.

Playing games was very relaxing, and they didn’t take a toll on your mind. It was much easier than working on practice problems.

In the game, he was a muscular giant with a pair of strong arms. He could lift up a giant hammer to smash the monsters.

So refres.h.i.+ng.

Gu Mingxi stared at the screen. Really refres.h.i.+ng!

Clam saw the sketchpad that Gu Mingxi dropped onto the desk. He asked, “Xiao Gu, what’s that?”

“Sketchpad.”

“What’s it for?”

“Drawing.”

“You can draw?” Clam was amazed. “Do you have to go to cla.s.s later?”

Gu Mingxi said coldly, “Not going.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no point.”

One unit test after another, Gu Mingxi’s scores dropped.

He worked on the problems as he felt like it. Sometimes he felt it was annoying, so he would stop doing them. In his head, he asked himself what the point was. He could do all of it anyway.

When he got the failing results of the unit test back, Teacher Dai asked Li Han to stop by the school.

Everyone could tell that Gu Mingxi did it on purpose. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand, he just didn’t study and take the test well. He didn’t memorize his English, so he couldn’t write any of the new words they’d learned. Li Han asked Gu Guoxiang to persuade Gu Mingxi, but when father and son sat together, they started to argue before anything could be said.

Gu Guoxiang was so angry that he wanted to beat Gu Mingxi, but he was held back by Li Han. He said, “Who are you creating this hopeless and reckless image for!? Is it for me to see? For your mom to see? Gu Mingxi, I’m telling you, whether you study or not is your own business. If you do a good job studying, then I can help arrange work for you in the future. But if you can’t even put in this effort, if you come asking for food in the future– I won’t care about you!”

Gu Mingxi looked at him stubbornly. He said, “Even if I need food, I wouldn’t go asking you for it!”

“Mingxi!” Li Han cried out in surprise as she looked at her son. She couldn’t understand it at all. It was only a month, but what happened to make Gu Mingxi change entirely?

Xiao Yujing asked Pang Qian what was the matter with Gu Mingxi. Pang Qian said that she didn’t know.

Teacher Dai asked Pang Qian whether Gu Mingxi had met any difficulties. Pang Qian said that she didn’t know.

Even when she was at practice, Xie Yi asked Pang Qian whether Gu Mingxi’s head had been flooded with water.

That’s right, that’s what Xie Yi said. “Has Gu Mingxi’s brain been flooded with water? He failed the chemistry test? Our chemistry teacher said that your cla.s.s’ chemistry teacher had high blood pressure from how angry they were.”

Pang Qian was silent awhile. Then she told Xie Yi what she thought about it. “I think that Gu Mingxi’s made some bad friends.”

“Hm?”

“He didn’t tell me. He doesn’t speak to me much these days. But sometimes I can smell cigarette smoke on him.” Pang Qian’s voice dropped, “After school, he seems to go to some place to play. I tried to follow him on my bike once, but he slipped away.”

“Ah? That irregular?” Xie Yi’s gaze looked serious. “Crab, we can’t let him continue on this way. You should convince him.”

Pang Qian pouted. “He doesn’t even speak to me properly. He’s really fierce now. When I see him, I’m… a bit afraid.”

Xie Yi thought for a moment, then said, “Then we’ll have to figure something out.”

That day after school, Pang Qian had practice. She carried her ping pong paddle, and without a glance at Gu Mingxi, backpack on her back, she walked out of the cla.s.sroom.

Gu Mingxi turned and watched her walk off and down the stairs.

He saw Pang Qian head to the gymnasium, then left school himself. Slowly, he walked to Shark’s barbecue shop.

It was summer so there was more business at his place. Shark added several tables to the restaurant and even pulled the TV set out. Gu Mingxi dropped his bag and sat down on a chair to watch TV.

Shark was busy with preparations at the side. He asked, “Kid, lately you seem to be coming here pretty frequently. Don’t you have final exams? You’re not busy with your studies?”

“Nope,” Gu Mingxi answered. “Shark, I have some money in my pocket. Take it out. It’s money for my meals.”

Shark got angry then. “I’m not asking you for money. I just think that you’re a student, so I don’t understand why you’re always holing up here after school. Don’t you have to work on your homework?”

“I finished all my homework at school,” Gu Mingxi said. “It’s comfy here, and it’s bothersome at home.”

Shark looked at him, then turned back to wash vegetables.

At 7 o’clock, the sky was already dark, and the barbecue shop was packed full of people. Oyster and Clam were at the grill, and Shark was in charge of serving and collecting payment. His mom was also there to help clean tables and wash dishes.

Gu Mingxi sat at the side, watching TV and zoning out.

Oyster’s girlfriend, Pearl, was also there. It was early June, and she was wearing a low-cut tank top and tight jeans, walking back and forth past Gu Mingxi.

Oyster secretly stepped out for a smoke, and with Pearl, they sat together next to Gu Mingxi. He lit the cigarette and took a puff, and then Pearl asked for a smoke. Oyster lit another one and handed it over to her.

Pearl smiled and asked Gu Mingxi, “Xiao Gu, want a smoke?”

Gu Mingxi shook his head.

Pearl looked at Gu Mingxi awhile, then inhaled her smoke, and blew out towards Gu Mingxi’s face. Gu Mingxi wasn’t paying attention, so he suddenly started coughing loudly. Pearl laughed, then brought her cigarette over to his lips. “Have a smoke. Try it.”

Gu Mingxi turned away forcefully, avoiding from her hand.

Just then, a girl appeared at his side, and cried out furiously, “Gu Mingxi! What are you doing?!”