78 | Walk Down Memory Lane
She had a grumpy face the whole time. Tell me honestly, do you want to cut off relations with her?

Gu Mingxi was a somewhat introverted boy. But he was still prideful. Although he didn’t have arms, he always acted without embarra.s.sment. He was always calm when he had to do things with his feet in front of others, and he didn’t care about others’ gazes. He would always do things that he could do on his own, and he would only ask for help as a last resort.

At the start, in school, how many people helped him with things? Moreover, he always had Pang Qian beside him on the way to and from school. Gu Mingxi rarely felt inconvenienced.

But now, he realized that he was too innocent at the time.

The sleeper rooms on the train were small and the restroom was cramped. In order to avoid using the restroom so often, Gu Mingxi just stopped drinking water. When he was hungry, he didn’t ask anyone to help make him instant noodles, and instead ate the bread he brought along. When his throat was was so dry it could catch fire, he finally took two sips of water.

Even so, he still needed to use the restroom. Gu Mingxi could only ask a male attendant to help him. The attendant accompanied him to the restroom, and the two of them squished into the small s.p.a.ce. Gu Mingxi’s face went completely red as the attendant helped him urinate. When he was finished, the attendant washed his hands and asked him with concern, “Are you taking the train by yourself?”

Nod.

“Why didn’t you have someone come with you?”

Gu Mingxi smiled, “I’ll be fine on my own.”

The train attendant looked at his dry and cracked lips and said, “Kid, don’t misunderstand, but drink some more water. I saw that your urine was very yellow. It’s not good to treat your body this way. If you need the restroom, you can just come to find me.”

Gu Mingxi lowered his voice, “Thank you, sir.”

For the twenty hour long train ride, Gu Mingxi laid in the bottom bunk of the sleeper. The entire night long, he didn’t feel like sleeping. It was morning when he arrived to the E City train station.

The sky was just lighting up, and the temperature was still cool. Gu Mingxi wasn’t wearing much, so the cold breeze made him s.h.i.+ver. In the meantime, he didn’t have anywhere to go, so he just sat on a bench in front of the station.

He looked around the square. It had been more than a year now since he’d left. He left the city he’d spent the first 19 years of his life him. A year later, he’d come back, and while everything looked the same, the people had all changed.

 

Gu Mingxi sat there until 8:30 that morning, before he went to the public phone to call Gu Guoxiang. Gu Guoxiang already knew about Li Han’s matter, and he told Gu Mingxi to wait for him at the train station. He would drive over.

When Gu Guoxiang saw Gu Mingxi, he couldn’t believe his eyes. It had only been a year, but Gu Mingxi had actually changed so much.

In the past, he was a handsome boy. Tall stature, wide shoulders, not really thin. He had fair skin and clear eyes, hair cut short, and a smile was often on his lips. Gu Mingxi’s clothes were pretty elegant. All the girls at school had said he was handsome. If he’d had arms, he would have been one of the most popular boys.

But now Gu Mingxi, who was just 20 years old and in his prime, had become tanned and thin, languish and drab. Before, he’d been very attentive of his hair style, but now he’d cut his hair flat. His face was thin, his eyes were dark and dim. Staring at Gu Guoxiang with those eyes made him feel numb.

Gu Mingxi wore a white short sleeved s.h.i.+rt. After spending a night on the train, his clothes were all wrinkled and carried the slightly sour smell of sweat. He had on a pair of shorts, his legs bare, and a pair of flip flops on his feet.

Gu Guoxiang felt very bitter inside. This was his son. His formerly neat and handsome, even somewhat pampered son!

Gu Mingxi said, “Dad.”

His voice was hoa.r.s.e. He couldn’t help to swallow. Gu Guoxiang was startled. “Get in the car and have some water. I have some mineral water in the car.”

Then he quickly took off his jacket and put it onto Gu Mingxi’s shoulders, and took his backpack from him. He said, “Why are you wearing so little? It’s nearly October. Why are you dressed like it’s the middle of summer?”

Gu Mingxi said, “It’s easier to do things with shorts on.”

“…” Gu Guoxiang looked at his short hair, and asked, “Why did you cut your hair so short?”

“It’s easier to wash.” Gu Mingxi smiled. “I wanted to shave my head, but Mom wouldn’t let me.”

“Your mom…” Gu Guoxiang pondered for a moment, then asked, “How is she?”

Gu Mingxi followed Gu Guoxiang to the car. Gu Guoxiang fed him half a bottle of water, and then Gu Mingxi told him about Li Han’s illness and treatment process. Gu Mingxi sat in the pa.s.senger seat, and when he finished his explanation, he turned his head to look at his father. He said, “Dad, can you give us more money? We might not have enough to cover Mom’s treatment costs.”

Gu Guoxiang held onto the steering wheel with both hands, looking forward silently.

He brought Gu Mingxi back to the New Gold Park and stopped the car. As they walked through the area, they would sometimes run into old neighbors or colleagues.

“Mingxi! Aiya, Mingxi’s home!” Auntie Qiu used to work in the same department as Li Han. Now, she’d retired and stayed at home to watch her grandchildren. When she saw Gu Mingxi, she was pleasantly surprised. After a moment, she grew suspicious. “Mingxi ah, why have you gotten so thin? And why have you gotten so tanned? Are you unused to the food in the north?”

Gu Mingxi slowed his steps and nodded. “Mm, I’m not used to the food.”

Auntie Qiu asked, “How’s your mom?”

“Alright.”

“Are you back for National Day?”

Gu Mingxi glanced at his father beside him and then nodded. “Yes.”

“You have a little sister.” Auntie Qiu looked at Gu Guoxiang, not at all unfriendly. She smiled and said, “Mingxi, hurry and graduate, get married, and have a baby. Your child can even go to school together with their little aunt!”

Gu Guoxiang’s face darkened. Not afraid of him, the retired Auntie Qiu started to hum as she walked away.

Gu Mingxi felt a bit awkward. Gu Guoxiang coughed and then lit a cigarette. He said, “Let’s go. We’ll go up and see your sister.”

Gu Mingxi had only lived in the New Gold Park for a year previously.

After Gu Guoxiang opened the door to the house, Gu Mingxi realized that the entire house had changed.

In the beginning, a lot of the furniture and decoration had been chosen by Li Han. But now, all of those things had disappeared. The simple yet elegant pastel-colored sofa in the living room was now replaced by a grand palace-style sofa. The floor was also covered with carpet. The originally round, dinner table had now become a white, long Western-style table. A small bar had even been set up in the corner of the living room.

Gu Mingxi had never seen that woman. Hearing the door open, she came out wearing a nightgown. With her fluffy hair loose behind her head and young face without makeup, she yawned and said, “Where did you go out so early in the morning?”

When she saw Gu Mingxi, her face immediately changed. Her eyes flitted over to his empty sleeved and laughed. “Oh, so this is Mingxi?”

And then she called towards the north-facing room. “Ms. Hou, bring my Xiao Yue out. Her brother’s come to see her.”

That’s when Gu Mingxi realized that the room arrangements had changed. The small south-facing room by the master bedroom had become the baby’s room. Inside was a pink crib, and the room was filled with toys. There were also countless boxes of milk powder and diapers.

The room Gu Mingxi had stayed in had become the nanny’s room. A 40 year old nanny came out with the baby. It was Gu Mingxi’s first time seeing Gu Ziyue. She was just 9 months old and she had a head full of dark hair. She was plump and cute. Her facial features looked like Gu Guoxiang. No wonder her father liked her so much.

Gu Guoxiang introduced Gu Mingxi. “This is current wife, Fang Hui. You can call her Auntie Fang.”

Gu Mingxi couldn’t say it. That woman looked too young. As he was about to open his mouth, Fang Hui said, “Don’t call me Auntie. It makes me sound so old. You can call me Linda.”

Gu Mingxi was silent for awhile. Then he sat down at the table and reached his legs into his packed bag. He pulled out a small lamb doll from his bag and raised his leg to put it onto the table. Then he said, “It’s the first time I’m meeting Xiao Yue, so I bought her a doll. Since she was born in the year of the sheep, I bought her a little lamb.”

Fang Hui’s expression immediately changed. She gave a cold laugh and said, “Thank you, Mingxi. But we’re not a superst.i.tious family. We don’t believe in that nonsense about girls being born in the year of the sheep having difficult lives. Xiao Yue is very healthy. Her father and I like her very much. She’ll have a very safe and smooth life.”

Gu Mingxi was caught off guard. He said quietly, “That’s not what I meant.”

Fang Hui stood up and carried Gu Ziyue. She looked at Ziyue’s face and then she looked over at Gu Mingxi. She frowned and said to Gu Mingxi, “Your dad said that you and Xiao Yue looked alike, but I don’t think so. Ms. Hou, what do you think?”

Ms. Hou immediately responded, “Yes, Xiao Yue’s skin is much fairer.”

Gu Guoxiang was silent the whole time. Everyone sat on the sofa. Ms. Hou watched as Gu Ziyue crawled around on her play mat. Xiao Ziyue already crawled very quickly, and she quickly clamored over to Gu Mingxi’s foot. She sat on the ground and lifted her head to smile at Gu Mingxi. Then she reached out her fingers to play with Gu Mingxi’s foot. Just as Gu Mingxi pulled back his foot, Ziyue was already picked up by Fang Hui.

“Silly girl, your brother’s feet are dirty.” She placed Gu Ziyue on her thigh and turned to look at Gu Mingxi. “Mingxi, how long are you planning on staying?”

Gu Mingxi said, “I’m going home tonight.”

“Oh, and I was going to arrange a place for you to stay.” Fang Hui smiled. “You’re not a small kid anymore, so it wouldn’t be very convenient for you to stay here. Ah, that’s right, how’s your mother?”

Gu Mingxi explained briefly, and then Fang Hui shook her head and let out a sigh. “Cancer is very painful. Even if you spend more money on it, it’s no use.”

She was teasing Gu Ziyue in her arms, as she said, “Raising a child leaves you feeling bright. Raising the elderly leaves you loathing. Raising our Xiao Ziyue needs quite a bit of money, but this money is worth it. Mingxi, let me go over our accounts for you. Xiao Yue’s milk powder costs 1800 every month. Diapers are about 700, clothes 500. And then other food supplements, snacks, toys cost another 1000. Ms. Hou’s salary is 3000, and then there are cla.s.ses that cost 200 per cla.s.s. When she grows up, we’ll have to let her study piano and art. That all needs money! To put it in pleasant terms, your dad is a chief engineer, but actually he gets a fixed wage. Moreover, he’s going to retire in thirteen years. In that time, we’ll have to save enough money to send Xiao Yue to college, right? Ah… Mingxi, I’m worried about your mother’s illness as well, but to be honest… Even though I feel for you, it’s a difficult thing to ask of us. How about this. I’ll give you 20 thousand and you don’t have to return it. Use it to buy your mom some health products.”

After she spoke her part, what else did Gu Mingxi have to say? He just looked at his father silently. Gu Guoxiang lowered his eyes guiltily.

Fang Hui went into her dressing room and came out looking like a modern, hot mom. She really gave Gu Mingxi 20 thousand dollars and then pushed out the baby stroller. She called Ms. Hou to go out for some sun. Gu Guoxiang said, “Today, Mingxi’s come over to eat a bit. Let Ms. Hou stay and cook something.”

Fang Hui immediately said, “Xiao Yue has to go to the park for some sun every day at this time!”

Gu Guoxiang said, “Then why don’t you take her out.”

“When she gets to the park, she needs to be carried!”

“You can’t carry her?”

“I can’t carry her. Ms. Hou’s always the one to carry her.”

“Then what do we do about lunch?”

“You make it yourself, or you can order something.” When she finished, Fang Hui left with Ms. Hou.

Gu Mingxi said, “Dad, I don’t need to eat. I still have something to do in the afternoon. Can you take me downtown?”

“This afternoon?” Gu Guoxiang shook his head. “I’m sorry, Mingxi. In the afternoon, I have to go to a meeting. It’s very important.”

“…” Gu Mingxi thought for a moment, then said, “Then I’ll go by myself.”

He paused and then said, “Dad, it’s about time. I should go.”

Gu Guoxiang looked at him a bit, and then said, ” Let’s go, I’ll send you.”

He drove Gu Mingxi to the bank and took out Li Han’s bank card. He went to the counter and added 50 thousand dollars.

When he returned to the car, Gu Guoxiang handed the card back to Gu Mingxi. “I added 50 thousand for now. If your mom still needs money, you can call me. I can send a bit more.”

Gu Mingxi nodded, “Thanks, Dad.”

“Although what Fang Hui said didn’t sound very good, some of it is really true.” Gu Guoxiang pushed his gla.s.ses back up his nose. “Raising a child takes a lot of money. You can’t skimp with their food and clothes. Each month needs at least 10 thousand. And Fang Hui doesn’t work. Last year, I gave your mother 650 thousand, so I don’t have much left in savings.”

Gu Mingxi nodded again. “I know, Dad.”

“What time is your train back?”

“Tonight at 7.”

“I can pick you up and we can go out for dinner. And then I can send you to the train station.”

Gu Mingxi thought for a moment, and then shook his head. “No need. I can take care of it on my own.”

Gu Guoxiang drove Gu Mingxi back to the city and then he went back. Gu Mingxi carried his backpack, standing on the street and thinking for a long time. He went to the side and gave Pang Shuisheng a phone call.

Pang Shuisheng hastily hurried over from work. After he saw Gu Mingxi, he gave him a strong embrace. “Rotten kid! How did you get so tan!”

The two of them had lunch at a small shop. Then in the afternoon, Pang Shuisheng went along with Gu Mingxi to sort out Li Han’s insurance reimburs.e.m.e.nt. Gu Mingxi had prepared everything well, so the procedure went smoothly.

After things were taken care of, Pang Shuisheng invited Gu Mingxi over for dinner. Gu Mingxi hesitated for a bit, but finally agreed.

Once again, he returned to the Golden Compound. Rather than the luxurious but strange New Gold Park, this compound was the place that Gu Mingxi dreamed of and missed.

He saw that old bike shed where he and Pang Qian had often stopped at. Their two bikes were still locked up there, though they were covered in a layer of dust now.

The old guard, Old Ceng, was at the gate drinking beer. His hair was entirely white now. When he saw Gu Mingxi, he called out and smiled a toothless smile. “Mingxi’s home! But your Fattie’s in Shanghai!”

Jin Ai’hua still hadn’t returned from work. Pang Shuisheng pulled Mingxi to the table to chat. When he asked about Li Han’s illness, Gu Mingxi answered briefly and simply. Pang Shuisheng told Gu Mingxi to give him Li Han’s bank card number, and he would add 20 thousand dollars in a few days. But don’t tell Jin Ai’hua about it.

Gu Mingxi quickly refused. Pang Shuisheng pressed down on his shoulders and said, “You took care of Qian Qian so well in the past, and I still haven’t had the chance to thank you. Ten years ago, I would never have imagined that our foolish Pang Qian would be able to get into a top university and even study such a popular major.”

Gu Mingxi lowered his head. “Uncle, Pang Qian’s the one who helped me a lot.”

Pang Shuisheng lit a cigarette and then asked, “Did you tell Qian Qian about your coming back this time? Should I give her a call? You didn’t contact her during the summer, so she had a grumpy face the whole time. Tell me honestly, do you want to cut off relations with her?”

Gu Mingxi couldn’t help laughing. He said, “It’s true that I haven’t contacted her in a few months. And this time I came back, but I didn’t even bring along my phone.”

“Mingxi…” Pang Shuisheng looked at Gu Mingxi and his heart hurt terribly. He’d watched this boy grow into an adult. In the past, he’d never really felt that Gu Mingxi suffered much, probably because his family background was good, he wore brand name clothes, and he was an excellent student. But now, Pang Shuisheng looked at Gu Mingxi’s slightly lowered head, lackl.u.s.ter eyes, and the two empty sleeves hanging off his thin shoulders, and he could really feel a kind of uselessness, powerlessness, and helplessness exuding from his body.

Pang Shuisheng asked what Gu Mingxi was planning to do next. Gu Mingxi told him about his evening ticket back to Z City. Pang Shuisheng pat his shoulders and said he’d send him to the train station.

When Pang Shuisheng was cooking dinner, Gu Mingxi entered Pang Qian’s room. It had some slight changes. Those high school practice books on her bookshelf were replaced by several economics books and some best-selling novels.

Because she wasn’t at home, her desk had been tidied up by Jin Ai’hua. On her desk, there was a picture frame with an artsy picture of Pang Qian inside.

A large photo hang on the wall. In the photo, Pang Qian had shoulder-length brown hair and she was wearing a blue-green dress with a pair of heels on her feet. She had on pretty makeup and held a bouquet of white roses as she stood under the setting sun.

Golden light s.h.i.+ned off her head. Because of the image editing, her skin was especially white and tender looking, her smile sweet and bright. Gu Mingxi stood in the center of her room and looked at the girl on the wall. That was his Pang Pang. She was already 19 years old. So lively and so beautiful. He imagined her walking down the tree-lined path at school, carrying her books in her arms, silently reading English. Occasionally she would lift her head, revealing a tranquil and satisfied expression.

She was living well in that flouris.h.i.+ng city. And he, he’d already gone in the opposite direction to her.

That evening at 5:30, Pang Shuisheng sent Gu Mingxi to the train station.

When they were exiting the compound, he turned around and pointed at the four buildings. “They’re probably going to tear down this place.”

Gu Mingxi was taken aback, and he asked, “Why?”

“They’re building a large commercial center. Ah, over there.” Pang Shuisheng pointed to a nearby area, where the metals factory used to be. “The real estate prices here shot up. The land belongs to the metals company, but it seems like a developer has taken a fancy to it. They’re currently in negotiations about it. For us, tearing it down is good too. We’ve already lived here for more than twenty years. Later, we should just buy a great big house.”

Gu Mingxi turned to look at the Golden Compound under the sunset. Four six-story buildings stood there quietly. And there was that flower garden, that bike shed, the guard’s house… Apt. 501 and 502 were going to disappear. Did that mean that he and Pang Qian were also going to slip apart as well?

After Pang Shuisheng dropped off Gu Mingxi at the train station, he said a few words and then left. Gu Mingxi sat in the waiting room for half an house when he suddenly made a decision.

He went to the help desk and asked for a refund on his return ticket to Z City. Then he bought a different ticket to Shanghai.

The train was leaving in fifteen minutes. Gu Mingxi carried his backpack, his ticket in mouth, and ran over to the stop. Finally, sweat dripping down him, he got onto the train.

That night at 10 o’clock, Gu Mingxi stood at the front desk of Pang Qian’s dorm, covered in dust. He asked the dorm manager to help him call Pang Qian’s room. In the end, she wasn’t there.

Her roommate said that she’d gone to watch the basketball game.

Gu Mingxi had rushed over so he was still catching his breath. He stood near the entrance of the dorm and every single girl took note of him. Their faces all showed surprised expression, as they whispered to each other, talking about the boy without any arms.

Gu Mingxi walked over to a wall and dripped his bag to the floor. He rested with his back against the wall. His heart was beating quickly, his eyes fixed on the entrance. He waited quietly, waited for that girl to come back.

The last time he left, he hadn’t even met with her. This time, he thought, he definitely had to have a proper farewell with her. To smile slightly and tell her, Pang Pang, goodbye.