Since when did Claire start to get scared of telling her story to others? It was probably since she learned the power of words. Whenever they pa.s.sed through people's mouths and ears, it changed its form every time. Something as soft and sweet as cotton candy could come back to stab you like a sharp pick.
And so naturally, Claire kept her mouth closed. She didn't want to be an indiscriminate loudmouth, and so she set strict lines between what she allowed herself to say and what she could not. She wouldn't let her words come back to hurt her like a sword.
However, the words she withheld piled up in her mind. It was strange. Words had no weight or shape, so why were they so heavy and daunting?
“Claire!”
As soon as Claire entered her room, she was greeted by an urgent voice and a warm embrace. It was Louise Sweeney.
“…I waited for you. Really.”
Claire imagined Louise pacing by the door instead of waiting patiently in a chair. Was there an issue if Louise didn't go outside?
“I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up at the capital city. But Dean Crissis said I had to stay here to make things work.”
At Louise's words, Claire had a realization.
“Hurry up! Louise Sweeney is procrastinating in your room!”
Louise was in this room to make Claire move efficiently. She was always worried about her friend.
“And so…I just kept waiting here.”
Claire embraced Louise and allowed relief to wash over her. This feeling was different than being on Dean's back. It was a great comfort in a messy day when she had found herself at rock bottom. It was strange. Claire had known Louise Sweeney for less than a year, but their relations.h.i.+p had become stronger than she ever expected. Come to think of it, they hit it off very well from the start.
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A sudden thought flashed across Claire's mind. Perhaps she could tell Louise what she couldn't tell anyone…
Fear rose in her throat. However, Claire knew if she never expressed herself, she would live a life of misery.
“Louise.”
Claire lightly pushed Louise's shoulder so they could see each other. Their eyes shone in the feeble candlelight, and Claire smiled.
“I really mean what I'm about to say.”
Louise nodded her head.
“I always envied Louise.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You work hard, don't you?”
“So does Claire.”
“For Louise.”
“What?”
“You work hard for yourself. Right?”
Louise gave a mumbled "yes" as a reply.
“Actually, for me it has been a little different.”
Claire stepped past Louise and stood beside the bed. She took off her long coat and set it down, revealing her bruised arm.
“Claire! Your arm—!”
Louise approached her urgently, but Claire shook her head. She wanted Louise to listen to her story.
“Coming to the Academy was just a way to make me a good bride.”
Her older brother enrolled her here, saying, "You're not worth enough as a bride if you're just pretty."
“I hated it. No matter how hard I tried, my family didn't regard me as a good bride or anything else.”
“Claire…”
“Of course, being a good bride isn't a bad thing. But.”
Claire looked down at her dress. It was a bit rumpled, but it still gave a rich glow.
“I don't want to do that anymore.”
The future Claire didn't have to be beautiful. She didn't care about this fancy dress, and she didn't mind if she got tired and shabby every day.
“I want to use my efforts entirely for myself. Although…that means betraying my family.”
Claire confessed what her brother said. How much the family expected from her marriage. What could be the consequences of her disobedient behavior.
“My brother's a crazy b.a.s.t.a.r.d, isn't he?”
“Completely crazy!”
Louise immediately agreed with her.
“I should have known quickly that my brother was that way.”
Wouldn't it have been better if she learned to enjoy herself at the Academy earlier?
“I'm glad you know now, Claire.”
“Thank you.”
“I don't want to speak badly of Claire's family, but if marriage is the only way to get money, then the family's standing has already declined.”
Even if Claire's marriage gave her a little breathing s.p.a.ce, their reputation would collapse again soon.
“So I don't think that kind of sacrifice will lead to meaningful progress.”
Claire remembered her brother's brutality. He ruined the family business after their parents died. To his astonishment, he had completely wiped out the business.
“Come to think of it, nothing that my brother has done has ever worked.”
Claire's marriage was her brother's decision too.
“You're right, Louise.”
Claire lifted her head.
“Just because I follow my family's wishes, doesn't mean it will lead to a good conclusion.”
It was better for Claire to stand on her own feet. When the last shred of guilt faded, she could smile happily.
“So you really won't get married?”
“I'm going to quit. If my brother tries to push it on me, I'll refuse.”
“While I feel sorry for the pretty dress, I support your decision.”
Louise twirled her finger in the air to gesture Claire to turn around. Claire obliged, and Louise began undoing the ribbons on the back.
“Ah, that feels better.”
"The dress is a bit loose, but the corset seems tight. I'll take it off right away."
“Ah no, I meant that releasing all those words that had been piled up made me feel refreshed.”
“Yeah. Words that stay in the mind become heavy.”
“It does.”
Louise fell silent as she worked, giving an occasional grunt as she picked on a particularly difficult knot.
“Is it hard?”
“No, I accidentally twisted one of the knots. I'm almost there.”
At the moment, Claire heard the sound of string unwinding, and her chest relaxed and she took in a sweet breath of air.
“You know, Louise.”
“Hmm?”
“I love Dean Crissis.”
The moment she said that, all her clothes slipped to the floor.
“Really.”
Claire turned and looked at Louise.
“I love him so much. Almost beyond my control.”
“…I know.”
Louise hugged Claire again and whispered comfortingly in her ear. Claire's face was so relaxed and warm when she spoke of her first love. There was not a shadow of falsehood in her confession.
*
*
*
Dean Crissis ran through the quiet dormitory halls, armed with medicine and bandages to patch up Claire. He couldn't forget the injuries he saw in the carriage. Anger mounted in him, but treatment was the first priority.
He arrived at the room panting. The moment he was about to raise his hand and knock on the door, he heard Louise Sweeney's voice.
"The dress is a bit loose, but the corset seems tight. I'll take it off right away."
They were so slow! They weren't even done yet? He was forced to wait until after Claire changed clothes. He hoped she would do it quickly.
Dean took a deep breath and replayed the day's events in his head, then felt a sudden regret. Claire was having a harrowing day, when Dean suddenly popped the question to her.
“So, Claire Iris. Next time, go pick the dress with me.”
Was he out of his mind? He had no conscience! How could he say that at a time like that?
“Ah no, I meant that releasing all those words that had been piled up made me feel refreshed.”
Dean's heart leapt to his throat at her words and conscience ached. He should have been the one that Claire spoke to, instead of him doing all the talking earlier. Claire must have been embarra.s.sed. The moment she finally got out of her engagement, another man was running after her wildly.
‘I owe her an apology later.'
She would forgive him if he was honest. Claire was sweet. But what if his hasty remarks hurt her?
“You know, Louise.”
The girls' conversation continued beyond the door. Dean knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help himself.
“I love Dean Crisis.”
“Heub.“
He let out a gasp and quickly put his hands over his mouth. Wait, Claire! If she suddenly said that…!
“I love him so much.”
He slid down onto the floor. Although it was chilly in the hallway, his knees felt hot like it was summer.
“Almost beyond my control.”
‘…Driving me crazy.'
Her sweet, honeyed words continued to ring in his ears. There was no other sound. Was he an idiot for being this happy?
He pressed hard on his lips. He couldn't say the words he needed to right now, but he would surely deliver them someday. On a beautiful day that would be Claire's best day in her life.
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